Fetal Non-stress Tests are Stressful for Moms

My 30 week appointment was this morning at 9:30. I was dreading it because of the weight I'd gained this past month, and expected to be fussed at. What I got was worse... concern.

I had gained 11lbs according to their scale. My blood pressure was up (the reason I had to be induced with Annelise). I was swelling more than usual. And worst or all, my last ultrasound had shown that The Bean is measuring almost 2 weeks behind. All this combined got me landed in the hospital strapped to a fetal heart rate monitor. It's called a Fetal Non-stress Test, and apparently I have to go every Tuesday for one until I deliver.

After a very stressful hour-and-a-half to two hours of laying there strapped to that thing, the L&D nurse told me everything looked normal, but I still need to come back each week.

Jay acted like none of it was a big deal. Our baby isn't growing right and the only thing he seems to be worried about is how much it's going to inconvenience him to take me to the hospital each week. He told me that we weren't going to be able to do it, and he didn't think it was necessary that I go back weekly. Um, we don't have a choice. I think I'll trust the ACTUAL doctor's opinion and go, thanks. Douche. The whole time we were in there, all he did was bitch about wanting to leave. I think I'll go by myself from now on. I don't need to stress about him AND worry about my baby too. I'm trying to stay calm, but I'm so pissed at him.

My OB also told me he wanted me to come back next Tuesday so he could monitor my blood pressure and swelling closely. I'm so stressed out.

The Countdown Begins - 10 weeks

30 weeks pregnant today. Only 10 weeks to go, thank you God. My first joyful surprise of the morning? Waking up, stepping on the scale only to realize I've gained another 9lbs... bringing me to 26lbs total. My OB is gonna have a sh*t-fit. *sigh* I dread my doc appt in the morning now. I really don't feel like I've been overeating. I've been watching what I eat and drink since the 8lbs I got fussed at for last month. I'm thinking maybe the water retention is a big factor (I'm sure every pregnant woman who goes over her weight-gain goal says that...) but seriously, I wake up with my face, feet, and hands already swollen and it only gets worse as the day goes on.

On another - a happier - note, I got the Babycity Diapers in the mail today ;) They're super cute, and I can't wait to try them out on Annelise. I tried them on her for size and they were ADORABLE. I've gotta toss them in the wash though to really be able to test their absorbancy. I'll post up what I think as soon as I get around to that. I'll also let ya know how the dreaded doctors appointment goes in the morning... *sigh again*

Family Matters

Well I thought today would be like any other day...
Then my dad stopped by my mom's house this afternoon while I was visiting to see me.

I understand that may not sound all that out of the ordinary to a lot of people, but here's a little family history.
My mom and dad divorced when I was... 16 or 17 I guess. Mom got the house and full custody or me and my sister, while Daddy moved down the road from us so he'd always be there for us. Everything would have been fine. Then about a year later or so, Daddy got rear-ended by a semi truck on the interstate coming home. His head smashed through the back window of his pick-up... he seemed ok at first. A few months later, he started acting different. Turns out, he had actually gotten some brain damage from the accident. His brain wasn't producing enough B12.

His doctors put him on a variety of medicines to level him out, but they all ended up either making him more depressed, anxious, or overly hyper. It was frustrating to watch my father disappear more and more every day. He'd have good months and bad months.

Well, during one of his good months, he actually found someone and remarried. He seemed happy and semi-normal all things considered. They bought land together out in the country and I really thought everything would be ok. Then he began to go down-hill... So bad I didn't think he'd come back this time. He was diagnosed as a depressed paranoid schizophrenic.

I got pregnant and had my daughter later that year. He never came to see her. About a month after she was born, my step-mother dragged him to our house to meet her. It was awkward... I didn't see the point in him pretending to care about her when he'd never be there for her.
Our relationship after that has pretty much been non-existent.  It felt like my dad had passed away a long time ago, leaving his body to a stranger that I had to hug and pretend to miss at our rare family functions. Basically, it felt like when long-distance family members come down once a year for Christmas... that awkward forced hug you feel obligated to give. He never called me, I never called him.
Maybe you're thinking, "Wow, she didn't even try to understand his situation." He'd call my sister all the time. He'd ask her to come visit him. It was just me. When Annelise was born and he showed no interest in her, I decided I didn't care anymore. I put myself on emotional lockdown and that's where my heart has stayed.

Tonight, my sister was at my grandparents house (where he stays too now - his wife moved in with her son a few months ago) and when they brought her home, Daddy came too. He said he wanted to see me and Annelise and has missed us. He hugged me, called me his "Sugar-booger" - a nickname from when he was my real daddy, and bribed Annelise into playing with him with Tic-Tacs. He laughed about my 7-month pregnant belly and pointed at his gut saying we were probably due around the same time.

He's had nothing to do with me in years. Annelise is almost 2 and he's had nothing to do with her. Now suddenly, he wants to jump back into this close family-bonded relationship and act like nothing happened. He told Annelise to call him "Pappi" and told her how much he loves her. It was so confusing. She kept looking at me like, "Who is this stranger who keeps hugging me, Mommy?" What can I say to her? I can't explain something I don't understand myself. It makes me angry in a way. He actually thinks he can just jump back into our lives like that? With no apologies or explanations? How dare he play with us like that.

In another way, I'm hopeful. I want my Daddy back. I want him to be at the hospital when The Bean is born and I want him to love Annelise and be there for them. I want them to have a Pappi. But I'm terrified. I've become to emotionally unattached from him that I don't think I can go back. My dad is dead, remember? He died when I was 18. And looking at the past, I know these happy moments with him never last. I feel like he'll be right back to the stranger again in a matter of months. How can I let him into our hearts when he's just going to abandon us again? How can I allow my sweet Leesie to fall in love with another grandparent and then have to explain to her why he doesn't want to see her in a few months? She's already lost her favorite grandpa to drugs - her PawPaw who won't stay off the crackpipe long enough to be there for her. How can I let that happen again? She's going to be so confused if the people who act like they adore her keep going away.

I feel like I should at least try to let him in, but I'm so scared. But I'm also scared that if I leave things the way they are, I'll regret it one day. He told me he'd love it if I'd bring Annelise to see him when I make my weekly grocery shopping trip to town once a week. I told him I'd try...

Loving Two

This touched me so deeply that I still bawl like a baby every time I read it. Sums up all my fears of my daughter feeling betrayed and unloved when the new baby is born... And it gives me hope that we will all be able to share our love and settle into a happy beautiful family.


I walk along holding your two year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.

Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in ...your own way "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her- as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.

The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three.

I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long.

I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you- - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you- -you each have your own supply.

I love you- - both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

 -Author Unknown

Absolutely beautiful. 39 weeks pregnant today - 11 weeks till we begin our love-sharing journey.

Swag Bucks is Love

I signed up for SwagBucks a year or so ago, but never really gave it much of a try. I earned a few bucks here and there by searching the web with their toolbar, but other than that - nothing. Well, my sister and mom had seen where I had my SwagBucks account attached to my Facebook account and signed up. Now all I hear about is how they're using the Amazon gift card codes they got through SB to get free stuff!

The past few days, I've been playing around on the site more frequently. I did some surveys, completed some tasks, and have been using their search engine for all my surfing. I officially earned my first reward: a $5 Amazon Gift Card code ;) Too proud! Now that I see that it does actually pay out, I'm addicted. It only take 450 SB to get the gift card too, so it's not like it's some unreachable goal. How fun.

If you wanna join too, go ahead and clicky clicky right here. It's worth it even if all you do is use their search bar for all your web surfing. Get rewards for something I'm going to do anyway? Yes please.

If I could strap a sign to my belly it would say...

"Baby of unknown gender is due in August (7 months a-cookin' for those who can't count) and does not like to be touched. He also does not like to have to listen to inquiries about his mom's weight gain, stretch mark status, va-jay-jay discharge, or whether or not she is enjoying her new pregnancy boobs... they weren't that small ok? Thank you for your cooperation."

I wanna DIY

I'm feeling crafty. Which is funny because I'm by no means a crafty person.
Me and my mom are gonna tackle this one soon - :)

Playing Dolls

My grandmother went through her attic a few days ago and found my Barbie doll collection from when I was a little girl. It was so odd to see my toys again after over 15 years. It really warmed my heart though when I started unboxing the dolls I'd loved so much and little Annelise ran up grinning from ear to ear. She was so excited! She's only 19 months, so I made sure all the dolls' parts couldn't be removed or anything and picked about 4 or 5 out for her to keep out. The rest will go back in boxes until she's old enough to play with them.

On another personal side note, I spent all afternoon going through my cabinets, trying to save food from the ant infestation that started last week... Fun. I had to throw out 2 boxes of cereal. Until I can get some kind of plastic storage bins or something, I'm having to keep our cereals and snack foods in the fridge. We had ants bad last year too, but it was way later on in the summer.


And you know I can't publish and entry without talking about cloth diapers.
I was talking to my mom this afternoon about the stash I'd picked out for The Bean, and it turns out she's been doing some fluff research of her own. She found some OS Pockets on eBay for super cheap called BabyCity or Babyland (I can't remember which - I think they're 2 different brands that are basically the same). She bought one diaper w/insert so I will be able to see if it's something I'm interested in buying more of. The diaper was like $4.50 I think?

I did some searching for reviews on BabyCity diapers and it goes both ways - some people love them and have made up entire stashes of just these, while other people say don't waste your money. I watched some video reviews on Youtube and it doesn't seem like they'll fit a newborn or smaller baby. I'm going to see when it gets here I suppose. I plan on playing with it some and trying it out on Leesie to see how it holds up. I'll let you know what I think.

My mom talking about pockets got me rethinking my stash ideas (again..). I keep flip-flopping between pockets and prefolds/covers, but now I'm leaning back towards pockets. I went back to Sunbaby today and decided maybe some more video reviews would help. Sunbaby has REALLY good reviews... even for smaller babies. And alot of women say they have used them on newborns all the way up to toddlerhood! I found THIS THREAD after some extensive googling and the 3.0 version fit a 9lb babe pretty good. The 4.0s are supposed to fit a newborn even better. The stash I had picked would only work till about 5-6 months, but if I could get some extra inserts, it looks like Sunbabys might work all the way through. That would be awesome!
 I think it would be infinitely easier to get Jay to climb on the cloth diapering bandwagon with pockets as opposed to blowing his mind with prefold techniques ;P He doesn't like extra steps.

I've still got alot of research to do before dropping any money though.

Links I Liked - Sunbaby Diapers website - CD Detergent Chart (bookmark!) - Tells you how much you'll save with CDing! I intend to show this to Jay as well heh.

And I like this video - Youtube video on Sunbabys

I was going to try to buy one of those sprayers that attach to the toilet, but after watching this video I don't think that will be at all necessary. I never even thought of using my detachable shower head to spray diapers with... and we wouldn't even need a bucket since our shower is so close to the toilet. Just grab the shower head and blast the booboo right into the toilet. Sweet.

Team Green

The ultrasound went pretty well I suppose. The Bean is measuring a bit small - a little over 26 weeks and 2lbs. The tech still couldn't tell The Bean's gender. He had his legs closed tight with a hand in between. I was a little disappointed at first, but after thinking about it a while I'm surprised to find out I'm kind of excited about having to wait. Like something extra to look forward to :) And at least we got to see his perfect little face.

I was hoping to be able to sort through either Annelise's old clothes for newborn stuff or through my mom's old boy newborn stuff, but it looks like I'm going to have to wait on the gender specifics. Other than clothing though, everything else we need (and most of the things we already have) are neutral. She and I did go through her storage anyway looking for neutral newborn outfits, and we actually found a few things. I'll just have to go back through again once the baby is born.

My mom also found a cute infant car seat she forgot she had that we can use! That will help out with our tight budget so much!

Nesting is making me insane

I'm going through some sort of insane cloth-diapering obsession with this pregnancy. I have spent hours googling different covers, fits, prefolds, washing techniques, folds, and what systems other people have found to work. I think it stems from nesting instincts taking over (also judging from the fact my house stays spotless lately). I NEED everything to be ready and situated for this baby. We had a financial catastrophe when Jay lost his job last year which made diapering Annelise almost impossible. We were literally scrounging for change to buy her the cheapest store brand sposies. It was horrible and I don't want to go through that ever again.

I also am in total love with the idea that for under $150, I can diaper my baby for 5-6 months (then we'll need the next size covers) - compared to spending $500+ on disposables. And that's just for 5 months worth of sposies. I figure we've probably spent upwards of $1000 on Annelise's diapers to date and she's been wearing  Walmart's Parents Choice brand since she was about 2 1/2 months old (switched from Huggies when her sensitive newborn skin toughened up). I can imagine we would have spent a great deal more if we'd used a name brand diaper.

I like the idea of the convenience of the AIOs and pockets, but I've decided on prefolds for my starter stash since they seem to work from birth and they're cheaper. Maybe when The Bean outgrows stash #1, we'll think about pockets (I'm liking Alvababy and Sunbaby's cheaper options).

Stash #1 Plans:

All on Amazon because I love Super Saver Shipping and free returns ;P

5 Thirsties Duo Wraps in size 1 - Decided on these as our cover of choice since it seems to fit nicely from birth to about 15-18lbs. I wanted to skip the whole "newborn cover stash" thing, as it seems silly to me to spend about $10 each on NB covers when The Bean will only be able to wear them for a few weeks. These are one of the only covers I've seen so far that fit newborns, but are adjustable to fit longer than 2 months.
Annelise was by no means a tiny baby (born 7.4lbs and chunky - stayed chunky) and she had still not hit 17lbs at 5 months. So these should work for a good long while. The adorable prints (owls? yes please) and customer reviews raving about the softness and quality of these covers didn't hurt either.
Spending $64 for 5

Had to... sorries.

 Pregnancy Ticker


This shall be my first entry. First things first, how about a little introduction?
Ahem. My name is Krissy. I am a born-and-raised Georgian, living in a speck-on-the-map (wait, are we even on the map?) town of Arabi, Georgia with my fiance' and love of my life for almost 5 years, Jay. I am a stay-at-home mumsie to my lil' LeesieBug - Annelise Madison - and my fuzzy-boy Charlie the mini-schnauzer.

We've also got a bun a-cookin' in the oven, The Bean. And he/or she is due to make their grand debut in early August. As I write this, I'm actually exactly 27 weeks, 5 days pregnant. No, this isn't meant to be a pregnancy blog. This is just a place to compile my thoughts, alleviate boredom while Leesie naps, and jot down little tidbits of my life. BUT, considering pregnancy happens to be a big part of my life at the moment, I imagine there will be alot of pregnancy hooplah for a while. Apologies ;)

 In my spare time, I tend to be attached to my laptop: shopping (I'm an eBay/Amazon addict by the way), Facebooking (is that an actual verb?), stalking pregnancy message boards - TheBump is a favorite, fiddling with my photos, or playing Sims. I suppose I could also be called a bookworm, shutterbug, tech-junkie, movie buff and now - blogger.

Yeah, but the name Zodapop? For a blog? Yes. Why? Why not? Perhaps it stems from my love of soda. Perhaps not. It's just a goofy name that stuck. No metaphoric secret meanings behind this one. Sorry folks.

I suppose that's a good enough starter post as any no? Fabulous.